Our Story: How we met?

As I said in my previous post, our relationship started during some of the most painful times of my life.  I was desperately praying, asking God to give me strength to get through this very tough time in my life. I did not want to do anything stupid because what’s the point. I had a history of harming myself at times of stress, but this time I wanted it to be different. I cannot cause my family more pain. There were times I wanted to kill myself. The minute I got any bad thoughts, I told myself that I was tied to a chair and cannot move. This was a way to stop myself  from going into the kitchen for knife.

During these hard times, suddenly a thought hit me. If you know the Hindu philosophy well, you will know the concept of  “Karma”. I guess that is not too foreign of a concept even in American culture. So, I had this thought that I might have seriously wronged someone in my past or else why would God put me through this. I thought about it for a while  and decided that the best thing for me  to do would be to work for a charity or do some volunteer work.

I lived in this town for 2 years but did not really know a lot about the community. I went to my professor and asked him if he could suggest me any place that I can volunteer, (I knew his wife did lots of volunteer work in the community). I wanted to work with kids because I thought playing with them will take my pain away. The next day my professor told me  about few places where I can volunteer. One of the places he mentioned was a senior center where I could work in the café and bus the tables. I immediately went there and met the volunteer coordinator, who said that I can start the same day. I thought that the senior center was a charity, but it was not. They actually provided meals to the seniors at lower cost so they needed volunteers to work around the café. So, I guess it wasn’t a bad volunteer job. They were open Monday through Friday, and  I went there everyday. It was only for 3 hours a day but it felt good, that was the only time in the day when I felt better. It became my life support. The minute I was out of there I was a wreck again. Saturday’s and Sunday’s were awful. I needed them more than they needed me. Slowly, people there started noticing me. They liked how seriously I was taking my job even though it was just volunteer work. They thought I was a kid who got into trouble with the law and was doing my community service, or  may be  I was working there for a class project. So, one day a bunch of them got together and their curiosity got  the better of them. They finally asked who I was, where I was from, and why was I working there. (People like to know where I am from  because  they obviously know I am not from here . lol.) I told them my story. Among the bunch was D’s dad, stepmom and her sister. D’s stepmom suggested that I go and see the pastor at the church to get some advice. I was kind of surprised because in Hindu culture you don’t got to priest to get a advice about your personal life. Anyway I did not think much about it and moved on. Since then every day their group talked to me and made me feel involved. D’s dad is a prankster and we had lots of fun. I love him. If you have seen Indian movies you will know that its common for young people to bond in a friendly way with their grandparents/elderly.   Therefore, considering my situation, I was feeling safer with this older crowd  than I would have with people of  my generation. A couple of weeks later D’s stepmom again asked me if I went to see the pastor and  so I finally did out of respect to her.

I sent my mom away to my brother’s and I was living alone. D’s stepmom, (lets call her P,) knew this and asked me what my plans were for Christmas.  I told her just staying home. The next day she invited me to their place for Christmas. At first I was hesitant as I did not want to intrude on their time with their kids. She insisted and said that its no big deal. They saw all their kids at Thanksgiving, so it will be fine. I finally decided to go even though I did not want to get out of my apartment. She asked me to be there for lunch and stay for dinner too. At lunch P had her side of the family, (her daughter, granddaughter, and sisters). P told them a lot about me, and they were all super nice and friendly. We played some games and did some puzzles after lunch till the evening. Then, D and his siblings  and their families came over. BTW “D” runs on Indian standard Time, (if you know what that means,) even before we met so he was the last to come. (That’s one reason why I think D is more Indian than me. Many more to come lol.). So, I was sitting in the family room doing a puzzle with P’s family trying hard to hide a piece of puzzle so I can have the last piece. D’s sis and SIL walk in talking about how they need to make space in the drive way for the  D’s car and yada yada yada. It basically made me think that D is some kind of  ring leader  or a mobster. Lol. Believe me that’s what I thought. BTW at that time I knew nothing about how many kids D’s dad have, so I obviously did not know that D was the youngest of all and the baby of the family. That is why he was getting that baby’s welcome lol. After a little bit D comes. Then, P got busy making pizza’s, so everyone slowly moved from the family room to the kitchen and the dining room. D’s dad started introducing me to all of his kids, and there he was, “the mobster D”. I could not believe what I was seeing. The mobster D is actually skinny, shy and awkward. He looked so delicate, like a flower. It was clear he was attracted to me. After a while he tried to make small talk but it did not go anywhere because why on earth would I try to fall for an American when I was already dealing with heart break as a result of me not listening to my parents. Also because D was not “my type”. I liked  6 ft tall muscular fair guys, (a typical Indian girl dream). It did not really matter, even though D was fair, because he looked like a good guy.  Girls always fall for the bad guys.  I did the same till I met D and learned a lesson from my X jerk.   On top of all this he also told me that he had a girlfriend in his casual talk. Which a week later his dad told me that they were not exclusive and were doing the casual dating thing for more than a year and it was not going anywhere.

Anyway after that we were all having pizza and talking. I was the first Indian person they ever met, so they wanted to know more about me, India, and Indian culture. Remember, I told you before this is a really small town with hardly any minorities.  We were all sitting at the table and it almost felt like the spot light was on me but in a good way. One of the D’s nieces, who was a tweenager, then asked a very innocent question. She did know who I was so she asked.

D’s neice- how are you related to me?

Before I could answer D jumped right in and laughed at her

D-going to school is making you dumb. She is friend of grand ma P. How did you think its possible that she is related to us

D’s niece- Its possible

D- oh!! really how explain?

D’s niece- she might be daughter of one of my dad’s distant  cousins who married an Indian, or one of our cousins married her.

D- shell shocked, not knowing what to say.

Everyone laughed  and I thought good reply (in my mind). Actually the whole thing did not aggravate me. I thought it was D  that was dumb, not his niece. Fast forward to three months,  me and D were in a serious relationship and I think D got his answer. I make fun of D even now about this. His niece knew even before he did. Lol. This also explains  how D was not at all exposed to any one from other ethnicity. So finally it was 11 pm when we finally decided to call it a night. That was my first day with D’s family, I spent ten hours with them and not for a second felt like an outsider. It just felt right for me to be there. It was like they had this empty spot for a family member,  and I filled it. It was like home.  At that time I thought maybe that’s because they were great hosts but in retrospect I guess that’s where I belong.

That’s the reason I feel our story is unique. D’s parents knew me and liked me way before him. So, I think that our story is half arranged and half love. lol. Right on line with half Indian and half American. His dad really wanted me to go on a date with him.  That story to come next.

Click here to read more our story posts.

-R.

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6 Comments

  1. That’s such a cool story that you met through D’s dad! He’s going to be such a great father in law for you 🙂

    Reply
  2. Gosh you’ve been through a lot – hope you are doing well now

    Reply
    • Raina

       /  July 27, 2013

      Thank you. Yes been through pretty bad times. Its a lot better now. D is the best. The only problem we have now is my parents. We both agree that we need their blessing. They are very difficult. We cannot blame them, because after what all I went through. They can’t see me cry again. I think with a lot of patience they will eventually come around. I hope God gives us all strength to walk through these tough times.

      Reply
  3. Hi R,
    It was nice to read your blog. Looking forward to read more. 🙂
    Wish you all the best in life. Stay strong.
    K

    Reply

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