Our story: D’s dad’s role in getting us started

It was the first week of January 2011, 10 days after me and D first met at their family’s Christmas dinner. I was at the senior center doing my usual thing bus the tables and have fun with the seniors. We were almost done for the day, and D’s dad was still there. We started to have a casual conversation. I thanked him for making me feel welcomed into their home. He said it felt like I fit right in, and they had great time. I said I felt the same way. We continued talking about some random stuff that happened at the Christmas dinner.

D’s dad- What do you think about our kids?

R- They were alright.

D’s dad- what do u think of D? (With a naughty smile on his face).

R- I said he was alright but seems to be very shy and naïve.

D’s dad –would you be interested in having a coffee with him?

R-“no”.

D’s dad- Why?

R- He is an American. My parents will freak out. And also because I just had a break up.

D’s dad- Hey, may be you should try an American this time. American men will not treat you like their property. (He thinks Indian men treat their women as property. Also referring to the dowry system.)

R- Maybe, but my mom will still freak out. And it would be awkward to have coffee with someone I don’t know.

D‘s dad- You are going to have coffee to get to know the person, and may be you can be friends. You can tell that to your mom.

R- Hmm. I don’t think my mother will understand that. Moreover D said he has a girlfriend.

D’s dad- no, no, no it’s not his girlfriend. They have been casually seeing each other for over a year now, and it’s not going anywhere.  Moreover, she is in her mid thirties, lives at home, and doesn’t even have a drivers license. D is smart, but he procrastinates. He needs someone who can push him to do the right thing.

R- I don’t want to be pushy. He seems like a very nice person, and I am strong willed. If I start pushing him, he will be doing everything I want and then resent me. (Little did I know then that D is very strong person and would never do anything if he really does not want to). I don’t want to be rolling all over him.

D’s dad- Believe me you are what he needs. He is a very good man, but he needs that push. (Remember, D did his associates degree in electrical engineering yet was working in the dead end factory job for 15 years without any future plans. He got in a comfortable rut).

R- okay but I am not used to the American culture of dating. I don’t know if I can do that. I am not sure if I am ready for another serious relationship, let alone with an American. Its totally against our culture.

D’s dad- Okay, if you don’t want to go out with him alone, we can do something else. This weekend I will be out of town for work, but P (D’s stepmom) will be home. You can visit her and play dominoes. D will also come, and you can all talk and play.

R- Okay I will think about it. (At this point, I could not say no anymore out of respect to D’s dad. He looks like Santa Clause, and I love him).

D’s dad- I will talk to P, and let her know about the plans. I am sure she will love to have you over, D or no D.

R- I know. I love her too.

Before talking to me about this, D’s dad already talked to D about what he thought. D’s answer was, “I like her, but she is out of my league”. D’s dad asked him how would he know if he did not even try. D’s dad told him he should go out with me and see if it works out. So, D finally got the confidence to try. D’s dad also told him he will talk to me and let him know.

What happened on our first chaperoned date and how D scored our next date all by himself coming soon.

Click here to read more our story posts.

-R

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