Small things matter: me time

Today is the day to get myself into a zone of positive energy. I already made a post on what I am thankful for this week.  I thought one more post on small gestures would be perfect for more positive energy to flow in.

If you did not notice by now, our relationship is not 50:50 but 80:20. Yes, “D” does most of the heavy lifting in our relationship. I am just happy that he loves me four times more than I love him. There is a old saying which goes something like this: “always be in a relationship with someone who loves you and not with someone who you love.” Let me explain, if there are two guys and you are crazy about one of them, but the other one is crazy about you. You will be happy if you  are with the one who is crazy about you and not the one who you are crazy about. It may sound confusing, but you will understand it better once you have experience with a “self absorbed cute guy.” Though I am kind of ashamed that I only contribute 20%, I am happy I have a man that contributes 80%, and I would not have it any other way.

The other day I was thinking that the next small gestures post should be about something I do for “D”. I and “D” were brainstorming, and it was really difficult to find something I do for him apart from regular cooking and cleaning. At last I found one.

The problem is “D” is a very simple man and not very emotional. He gets frustrated if he does not have time to relax. He is not very expressive so most times he is not aware that something is bothering him. I am able to grasp the subtle signs really quickly. I immediately question him about what is bothering him? Mostly, he is stressed from work and school and has not been getting time to relax. He is used to a very slow- paced life before me.  All these new responsibilities are sometimes too much for his comfort level. At this point, all he needs is some “me time” to recuperate and re-energize. The moment I see him flustered, I tell him he needs to stop whatever he is working on, (even if there is a time limit,) take a break, and do whatever he wants too for however long he wants too. He does not like to do a lot other than video games, browse and watch videos on internet. He is a very happy man if he gets time to do that. This technique always works. He is all refreshed and a happy baby after that lol.

At this point, the only thing that matters for me is his sanity. I do not want him to go crazy over goals and targets. I want him to retain that part of him that brings calmness and peace to our relationship. I have a selfish motive in this and that is “if he is happy, he will take better care of me.” 😉 . I can aim for 90:10 after that. 😉 [editor D’s note: That does not sound like a good idea.]

Let me know how do you deal with your sweetie’s frustration? What are your thoughts on giving “me time” to your loved one?

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  1. Ugh, I have been there done that with the “self absorbed cute guy”. So glad I stopped wasting my time with him and found my future hubby!

    I am definitely the introvert in our relationship and need quiet time. My other half is SUCH an extrovert, but knows I need space. He hates being alone, but prefers to spend time with me or family rather than friends. Usually if something or someone annoys him, he comes to my house to complain and get away (perks of me living alone!).

  2. That is true. My aunt always said “be with a man who loves you more, because women loves so much and so deeply that a man who loves you more – will love you equally”.
    With my husband, he has very few friends, and I always am trying to set him up on “man dates” (LOL!!) because I want him to have a life outside of me, guy friends who he can relax with and talk to. But good friends are hard to find. He can be very antisocial.
    Also there are times where he just likes to zone out and act brain-dead while watching the Food Network, and I just have to let him. Everyone needs a mental break! lol!!!!

    • Raina

       /  August 11, 2013

      “D” has very few friends too, but I have none. lol.
      That is why all he likes to do is play games and all I like to do is watch tv shows. We sit side by side and he plays video games on TV and I watch shows on my laptop. We both get to do what we want. lol.

      My mom is my best friend. Sometimes I think I act anti-social too. At least “D” is a conversation starter.


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