Our Story: Snowman Date Part 2

We went out, and “D” showed me what to do. We were making these small round balls of snow that fit in the palm of our hand. Then place these balls on the ground and add some more snow to make it into decent size and then roll these balls on the snow. The rolling made these balls pick up more snow. The small snowballs soon became into these huge snow boulders. I was amazed at how these small balls, when rolled, collected all the snow on the ground and almost cleared the snow. I had no idea that this is how snow man is made. I was thinking we take a bucket and fill it with snow, then pile it at one spot and shape it.  We made 3 huge snow boulders. Now, the task was to arrange them one over the other. They were heavy. It was difficult for us to lift them all by ourselves.  “D’s” brother came out to help us. After we put them one above the other we needed to shape them. As I said before, these were snow boulders and not perfect spheres. We did the best we could, but they were not as perfect as I would have liked them to be. We then got some twigs for the hands, nose and eyes. I was thinking more along the lines of the cute scarves and stuff. I guess I forgot who I was with. “D” is practical and not the cutesy type, even though he is darn cute. Our snowman ended up to be 7-8 ft tall. I think it turned out to be a snow giant/monster. That is how it ended up looking without the stuff that would have made him look cute. By then, we were tired, and I did not want to say anything because I barely knew this guy. At least he kept his word.

We got a picture taken of us with the snowman. The Indian girl nightmare came true. The ground was white with snow, sun was bright,”D” was fair as a ghost, and I was dark as a crow. How can this happen? How can I have a man who is lighter complexion than me? I am going to look ugly for the rest of my life. No way is this going to work. Yeah I know a little dramatic and insecure. That is called Indian dark skin phobia.

“D” saw me complaining about the picture and how dark I looked. He was surprised that it bothered me that much. He always thought that being pale was not good. He starting telling me that I looked beautiful, and he looked ghost like. I was shocked to hear that, because who knew that being pale was equated to being ghostly? Isn’t white skin color perceived to be the best? Oh well at least in India it is. I will write another post on how I got more comfortable in our relationship even with my insecurities. That day I was not comfortable with the fact that I looked so dark in the picture.

“D” took me home finally, and I invited him in. We were having great time talking about random experiences in our lives. As always, the talking bug came back to us, and we were talking non-stop. We both agreed that we had blast on our two dates and were surprised how we just could not stop talking.

I was going to drive to a nearby city the next day and asked him if he wanted to tag along. He said he would like to do that. Wow. Did I just ask him out? Maybe, but it is better than driving alone. At least I know that I will be entertained because we will talk non-stop. 🙂 Before we called it a night, I wanted to talk about some serious stuff. I asked him a directly what he was expecting from our relation? I know it was too early, and we were just on our second date, but I wanted us to be on the same page before we moved any further with this relationship. As we both come from two completely different backgrounds, having clarity of each other’s expectation is very important. When there is as much cultural difference as we have in our upbringing, it is not exaggerating to say when I say something, “D” might be interpreting it in a totally opposite way and vice versa. I wanted to make sure that we both really understood each other and not just assumed. I did not want another heart break, and neither did I want to break D’s heart. After all, he is the cutest guy ever.

“D” replied to my question in the most uptight way possible. He said he thought I was beautiful and really likes me. He said he wanted to try and see if we could work out. I am paraphrasing it, but I remembered hearing the word “romantic” somewhere in there. I freaked out, because who knows what his definition of “romantic” is? On top of that, who uses words like “romantic” in their vocabulary? I think it is too formal.

Then I said, “First, I need to clear up some things. I really like you as a person, but I need some more time to think if I want to be in a relationship with you. I am an Indian, and I do not know what your definition of romantic is. I want to tell you what I expect from you, and then you can tell me if it is acceptable for you or not. Firstly, no kissing. Secondly, you can only touch my hands. That’s it. Simple. I also want you to understand I come from a different culture, and it is not going to be easy if you want to be with me. I do not know how much work you are willing to put into this, but believe me, it’s going to be a lot. Also, we should have great communication, (more than a couple of same culture,) if we want to make this work. I know some of my expectations might seem ridiculous from your view, but this is where I stand, and I want to be upfront. I do not want us to break our hearts half way through the relationship. Do you still want to do this?”

I could see a question mark on D’s face by the time I finished. I guess he was shocked to see me so upfront. I had to be direct because I cannot have another mess on my hand. He then said, “As I said before, I like you, and I am willing to try. I respect you and so will adhere to your boundaries, but in my culture kissing is not a big deal. I want to at least be able to kiss you at some point later.” Then I said, “Okay, we will talk about it at some later point, but for now it would be a no. Thank you for respecting my wishes.”

After this, we again talked some casual stuff before we called it a night. As usual, by the time “D” left we had been talking for 6 hours straight. Yes, I told you we had a talking bug. 🙂

Coming up on the next post: What happened the next day on our trip?

Click here to read more our story posts.

-R.

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2 Comments

  1. Cute story…
    I think darker skin is so pretty, and such rich color. I prefer it over pale skin. I’m always trying to get some color in the sun. And our daughter has the best mixture of both of us! Just remember your BF loves you for who you are, as is, nothing to do with your appearance, it’s your heart.
    Indian vs Western styles of dating is completely different. My hubby followed me around everywhere and I was totally confused that he wasn’t making a move. Then he said he was trying to be a gentleman and I felt stupid…lol. It was hard for me when we went to Hyderabad the 1st time because hubby said, no kissing, no holding hands – it was a shock to me!

    Reply
    • Raina

       /  August 17, 2013

      Thanks. D says the same. Being around D and his family helped me a lot with my confidence levels. I feel more comfortable in my skin now then ever before. I was actually thinking to make a post on how my idea of beauty changed since I came here.

      You are very lucky that you found an Indian man that respects you so much and treats you well. I had some Indian guy friends in college that took woman (specially american) for granted. They thought they can have fun or get a green card. Some of them act like Amish on their Rumschpringe.

      I also told “D” same no kissing in public even in USA. “D” is very shy so it helps. lol.

      Reply

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